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In Response to Defenses and Criticism

12/23/2013

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This note is predicated on the fact that the immune system is a defense system within the body.  I want to discuss an underlying psychological foundation to food allergies, apart from the alterations in body chemistry and hormonal profile/impact which others have already done so thoroughly [see Nora Gedgaudas of Primal Body- Primal Mind].  I want to look at how these psychological underpinnings might predate and trigger hyperdefense strategies in the body or hyperreactivity, especially as in the case of sensitivity to criticism, making them a key to unlocking some of the physical aspects of healing autoimmunity.

We're all loving the best we can.    

Most of our parents did--even when they may have pressured us to:  do well, be on time, keep an orderly room, say "please" and "thank you," eat all the food on our plate, or buckle up.  I enjoy believing that, even when perverted by exhaustion or lack of resources, most of us are [and our parents were] all loving to the best of our capacities.

Here is where we are faced with a crucial interpretation moment:  we responded to this as an appropriate level of structure to our lives, much like a trellis structures a vine's growth [up regulating to accommodate the input], or we interpreted this as:  nag nag nag,  down regulating the input by developing defenses.  Much like in a diabetic condition, the insistent production and presence of insulin causes receptor sites to "become deaf to" the high levels of insulin; they learn to ignore the barrage of the hormone by decreasing the number of receptors for that message.  In the case of criticism, we began to interpret these accumulated directives as a kind of nag or overwhelm, and developed defenses against the input to protect the self.

Nag Nag Nag--I Can't Hear You
At an emotional level, once that defense mechanism has been installed, it can become excited.  Whenever someone criticizes us, feeling threatened or overwhelmed, the body acts like it's on red alert, mobilizing as if a germ, virus, or foreigner was invading the system.  If we become hypersensitive to others' opinions, we're always in a mental state of defense.  A threat mental is a threat physical; they cannot be differentiated by the body.  

Consider this hypothetical hold-up scenario.  I walk into your office pointing a gun at your body yelling, "Give me your wallet, give me your money NOW!"  Practically wetting your pants with fear, [maybe even crying and defecating], you hand it over.  As I look you in the eye, trembling half to death, I squirt you with my water gun, not a real gun at all.

You reacted with every cell of your body like your life depended on it, even though it was a farce.  Your mind promoted the same reaction in your body that it had inside of itself [mind/brain].  The mind interpreted a need for defense and the body responded.  Herein is a possible psychological and emotional foundation for autoimmunity.  Just as in the insulin example, a cell environment or organism that repeatedly receives the red alert signal starts to down regulate via defending the organism.  A criticism is interpreted mentally [and so physically] as just another foreigner.  The body has prepared a defense system and is primed with hypervigilance for more more more. 

I have found in practice that these individuals, who do not take criticism well, often need and hungrily seek approval from others to feel good about themselves.  If one wasn't allowed sufficient space for creativity, if one was tightly controlled by parents' agenda, if one wasn't permitted to create, make mistakes, and learn on their own terms, the dictates to perform often come from others and approval is sought there.  Their sense of self relies on and is connected to other [think:  umbilical cord].

Are you someone who:
  • doesn't take directions well?
  • goes out of way to please others?
  • seeks out a professional, yet doesn't receive/utilize advice/suggestions?
  • avoids seeking help out, yet declares need for help?
  • receives on "their terms" only?
  • employs extreme receptivity filters--listens only to what one wants to hear?
  • is approval seeking and voice discovering?
  • requires excessive structure & instruction in learning environments?
  • becomes lost if not told exactly how to proceed?
  • has difficulty improvising?
  • prefers following directions rather than creating anew?
  • generally likes to avoid making mistakes?
  • feels like an outsider and is trying to find or fit in with a group? 

Note how often you're triggered by others' criticisms.   Do you create a persona to fit in with crowds? 
Once we can attune to those reactivities, we can realize how much energy we're putting into defense mechanisms.


Once one can calm the psychological component of the defense mechanism, the body will calm down.

Concurrent with you and your doctor's plan for addressing food allergies, you can be actively redesigning psychological structures that predate and helped pattern this cascade of interpretation-defense.

  • Learn to enjoy how to create for yourself
  • Learn that everyone has an opinion.  If you love yourself and are at peace with own viewpoint [you are content, you do not have to defend it], then let others have theirs.
  • Allow for differences.  
  • Notice what happens when you prepare both food and body for meal.  
  • Say grace before meals.  Ask that the food be given a "new life" in this body, or that this food now contribute to the creation of deeper, fuller conscious awareness and right action.

A Final Note on Food
Receiving nourishment without need to defend against it is a practice in receiving without feeling threatened.  Note carefully if you create a sacred space around your meal times.  Turn off phones, turn off anything with a screen.  You're not practicing defending your food-time but practicing fully receiving the nourishment of the food.  Let this food become the bodily structure, the trellis, upon which our Spiritual unfoldment relies and is uplifted.  Breathe at least once, fully, after each time you swallow.  Slow down.  Feeling the food in your mouth and feeling the food exit mouth and continue its process is the neurological basis for satiety [read: at peace with your state].  Feeling the food is a major leverage point from which you will begin to shift the psychology of invasion.  Feel the food enter your mouth and receive the textures, the flavors, the olfactory components.  

A strong mind helps the body become strong.  Sometimes we have to follow our physical condition upstream to a point of origin--the origin of patterns.  There, we can strengthen a healthy pattern.  A strong foundation deserves a strong following.

Other resources from which you may benefit:
Scattered: How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What You Can Do About It
The Highly Sensitive Person

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Unfair Advantage

12/13/2013

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Educated and directed efforts is an unfair advantage.

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Take it down

12/11/2013

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Ah, such a good teacher.  Working hard to learn more, become a more effective communicator, and earn students' respect is just the beginning of being and becoming a great teacher.  

Do this thought experiment:

Pretend that you have nothing to do with students "getting it."
Pretend that a student acquires skills on their terms and in their own time.
Pretend that they're graced with understanding because they showed up, not necessarily because you spoke.
Pretend that you had nothing to do with their evolution.

just pretend.  Do it.  If you hesitate, you have a weak imagination.  

Now...
throw away all those testimonials wherein you're praised for having an agreeable quality or likable demeanor.
Take all of it down off your site, your blog, your preferred virtual home d'ego.

Pretend no one has offered you feedback about your depth of knowledge or your gentle approach.  Remove all the quotes.  

Now...

who are you?
Can you get up tomorrow, inspired, ready to do it again?

If you can, you have strength of Spirit.
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To please or not to please

12/4/2013

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Currently reading:  "The Butler Speaks,"  Charles MacPherson

This is a bit of thought on customer service versus Service [duly note the capital "S"].

Expectation and Customer Service
The phrase "customer service" elicits an image of an interaction akin to a softly played trial, sometimes wrought with  appeasement, detective work, persuasion, expectation, or catering.  The customer service to which I'll speak is more pedestrian--not necessarily Service-minded, but job-minded--the store security/greeter or the representative handling a credit card account call or a returned purchase.  We've all, to some degree, been encultured to expect our purchases or requests be met in a certain way.  Everyone has an opinion [though they're not necessarily professional critics], and everyone has been enabled to have expectations [Amazon reviews, next day delivery, Yelp to name a few].  Don't like the way you were treated [or ignored]?  Tell everyone on facebook about it.  Create an unnecessary buzz.  Gossip. Complain.  These are all real possibilities--we've seen them happen--and it's a pitfall of customer service.

Author Seth Godin contends that all customer service is essentially changing feelings.  Running that through my "professional lense," I more or less concur.  Teaching movement is creating an experience and yes, an experience often shifts one's feelings.  But it's not complete.  Someone in the educational/kinetic culture world cannot simply manipulate feelings and be proud of that.

The Profession and Vocation of Service
Let's make a distinction.  A profession is a job or even a career.  A vocation is wherein one deems oneself inherently suited for some action.  The individual's nature and Beingness come into play.  While vocations may enact some of the payment and transactional protocols of jobs or careers, some of us are called to Service [capital "S"], a job description that supersedes transaction.  

A Serviceman/woman's job is not necessarily to please us.  They might, but their first priority is to help in a way that is aligned with their capacities.  We receive their help on their terms.    

If they were to simply please us [sniff the air], something would smell funny.  We would detect something feeling "off."  
It's disingenuous for a person in Service to please us like a customer service rep.  

When in Service, the job is not to become the bartender in the Billy Joel song that "is quick with a joke...."  Notice how one in the position of Service is never depressed or worried.  Rather, they're engaged, their creativity unlocked--bringing value to whomever they Serve.

When Service is Rationalized Instead of Realized.
What happens when someone tries to impress you?  It feels creepy.  It's as if they want to be noticed and appreciated.  S/He comes across as someone searching for how to get their name out there,  how to get their share of the market, or how to improve their branding.  It's self-serving and frankly, it looks pathetic  [from an aesthetic point of view].  To these individuals, I want to say, "Get over yourself!"  The abject cowardice in approaching a transaction from a scarcity mindset turns me off.  "I need to get this deal,"  or "I need these clients to return,"  is a selling, convincing, persuading approach that feels manipulative.  Contrast that person with the Servant who approaches the situation with the mantra, "How do I make a contribution to this person's life?"
"The feelings are all that matter, and changing feelings takes humanity and connection, not cash."  Seth Godin


A Final Word
The humanity with which we Serve might show up in what we touch.  Robert K. Greenleaf says it well:  "The best test is this: Do those served grow as persons? Do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants?"


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Better make good use of those grabbers.

12/1/2013

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    Gwen

    Incubating practice and teaching ideas in written form here.

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